Less is More…

 

I thought I had the birthday thing all figured out. Each year I allow my children to invite a friend for each year on the planet they are celebrating. When my daughter turned 11, in an effort to add a Rites-of Passage component, she was given 11 tasks to complete. For each successful completion, a party guest was added. We gave her a fantasy guest option that I promised I would work to make happen if she completed all eleven assignments. They included writing a letter to a grandparent, learning the names of all her grandparents and volunteering her services to someone in need. I was a little happy when she did not complete all 11 since her fantasy guest was Queen Latifah! The coolest thing about it was I was going to use everything I knew about 6 degrees of separation to make it happen.

So, we ended up with eight girls at that year’s party – a sleepover. And it was all a surprise in some round-about “just write down the names, I’ll handle the rest” kind of way.

We have done many types of themed birthday parties. Arts and crafts, good old outdoor games, swimming at the Y (voted best use of a membership fee), and the tried-&-true “leave everything but gift-giving to us” Chuck Cheese, the local amusement park (yes, open on Nov. 9!) and the putt-putt place. My favorite of all is still my oldest son’s costume party. Since his birthday is on Feb. 1, the first day of African-American History, he wanted everyone to come dressed like someone in history. We had Bob Marley, Marcus Garvey, Martin Luther King and my favorite – Charlie Parker complete with saxophone – just to name a few.

So you can imagine my surprise when this past Nov. 9 – my youngest child,Kofi wanted two of his friends, Jake and Teagan to go skating with us for his 8th birthday. At first, I found myself reminding him he could have more. More friends, more, more, more. And then I finally heard myself. Why am I telling my son to want more? To complicate the pick-up and meet time, etc. To have to write out or repeat at least 6 times the directions to the house or the rink or the pizza place. To spend more money. What was I thinking? Clearly, I wasn’t.

It turned out to be the nicest birthday I can remember in a long time. Jake spent the night and Kofi had not seen him much since he moved and changed schools. Teagan was too busy that weekend so Kofi changed his mind on the skating and big-mouth me agreed to take them skating one weekend soon (and soon hasn’t come yet). So I took Alvin’s son, Jake and Kofi to the movies and went home to make his favorite meal – grilled cheese sandwiches, french fries and salad. I threw in a surprise and made a cake that was still warm when we sang all 3 birthday songs and ate it.

Less really was more. There was no stress. Just quality time with my son and a few friends on his birthday. And since his birthday was on a Tuesday, we surprised him and invited Teagan to a pizza dinner with us. Kofi was quite excited. We laughed at ourselves because we knew in our minds, at least once, we all thought of it as his first date.

So, for the next birthday, consider less. Less people, less food, fewer planned activities and places to be. Less money spent, less fuss. Consider skating in the park, reading to each other in character voices, playing Hide and Seek with the family in the house, or watching the birthday honoree’s favorite movie over and over again. The less you do, the more you will celebrate by having quality time and getting to know your child – and just a few of his or her dearest friends - even more.

Sista Folami